Está bien
by lalarandoms
Summary: Sequel to ' He's Fine ' - How did Rafael Barba react to Sonny's near death experience? ( Barba POV)


_Sequel to ' He's Fine ' - How did Rafael Barba react to Sonny's near death experience? ( Barba POV)_

 **Do not own the rights to LAW & ORDER SVU**

* Please read notes in the bottom **

" He's fine."

"Are you sure?" He interrupted Amanda on the other line as he paced back and fourth in his office. His fingers fan through his salt-and- pepper hair in frustrations. "Ye-yes, Carisi is fine."

"Okay." he sighed deeply trying to keep his composure. "Thank you, Rollins."

He brought up his cell phone that was held tight on his hand, up to his tightly shut lips after that conversation ended. His green eyes shut as inhaled deeply trying to inhale the imaginary cologne of his lover as if it lingered in air of his office. He felt heat rise in his office.

Anger had taken over and he threw his phone onto his brown leather couch as his pacing returned. All he saw was red, matching the heat that was now running through his body. The inner core of his being is boiling, the heat began to creep up the sides of his neck. The balled fist turning his knuckles bright red as he tried so hard not to punch a wall or flip the coffee table over.

It was hot. Far too hot, flush of heat crawled over his body, scorching his face and clogging up his throat, settling in his fingertips. He pulled his tie loose, yanked it off and threw it off on his coffee table as he walked back to his desk while undid the first few buttons of his shirt. He needed to breathe. Beams of sweat began to build threatening to drip on his forehead.

Rafael sat roughly down on his brown wheeled desk chair, his body began to shake. His rage vibrating through his veins, his hands trembling violently. He shut his eyes and tried to bring himself to where Sonny was. He wanted to feel what Sonny had felt, to see what Sonny had seen, to see his life flash before his eyes. To see that gun being point blank on him. He need to see and feel what Sonny felt. How he wished how he was able to switch places with Sonny, how he wish that gun was pointing at him instead of his Sonny.

He reached to his desk drawer and pulled out a small carry on gun. It was shiny silver, never used. Rafael had brought it soon after the death threats came in, and if he had to be honest, he felt uncomfortable carrying it around.

He stared at the gun that laid on his desk on top of file folders, green eyes carefully inspecting the silver body while his fingers tips traced every detail. Without thinking he takes the gun with both hands and places the barrel in the middle of his forehead. Desperately trying to feel what Sonny felt, to see what Sonny saw. He closed his eyes and picture himself in that upstairs room, his breathing became difficult. Heart racing beyond he had ever felt, his hands shook harder. For a split second he felt what Sonny felt. The cold barrel pressed up against him, this entire life flashing before him. His grandmother. His father abuse. His mother. And more importantly the future that he wanted to create with Sonny.

Sonny.

And just like that, without any warning he broke. Tears fell hard down his cheeks as his shoulders shook up in down. His painful uncontrollable sobs hit him hard, it scared him. His heart screamed for air, tightening almost clutching for the last breathe it had. Rafael trance was broken from the ding from his cell phone. He placed the gun back in his drawer before he stood off his chair.

He walked painfully slow as he tried to control his tears. He picked his phone up to see he had received a text messaged from Rollins. Amanda informed him that Sonny was on his way home. She was the only person who knew about their relationship, the only one to notice the change between the two. Olivia was too consume in her own little world, and for Fin, he is never really one to say anything even if he did see the air change between him and Sonny.

In hot heels he bolted up and gathered everything that he needed throwing the files in his leather briefcase that his grandmother worked countless hours to buy him as an graduation gift. He threw his office door open startling his assistant Carmen.

"Reschedule my meetings and take messages. I'm leaving for the day." he breathed out as he rushed pasted her.

Rafael stood in front of the gray door when he reach out as fingertips placed securely on the gold doorknob. Something inside him told him that it would be unlock and sure enough to his surprise the door was unlocked as he turned the knob around, pushing the door open slowly.

The air in the one bedroom apartment has shifted, it felt colder, even darker. His forehead suddenly felt ice cold, the same place the gun barrel he pointed at himself. His back placed perfectly on the door, his green eyes noticed a trail of clothing items on the hardwood floor. Without realizing he began following the trail as he too removed his clothes, working his way from the dimmed lite living room up to the bathroom wide open door.

His heart broke at the muffle cries that running water slightly hushed. He slowly pulled down his Calvin Klein, stepping out of them leaving them behind next to the pair of Tommy Hilfiger. He was assaulted with the steam as he walked into the bathroom, his ears rang at the loud cries that were now bouncing along the walls along with the hard running water. Flood of steam locked in the closed standing shower made it difficult for him to see the tall figure that hide inside.

"Sonny?" his voice was shaky. He knew that Sonny couldn't hear him, no matter how times he called out his name. Sonny cries were so loud, it scared him. Quietly he opened the shower door and stepped into the fog. Rafael tried so hard to keep himself together, he had to keep himself together for Sonny. He needed to be there for Sonny, and he wouldn't allow Sonny to see him broken. Not while Sonny is broken.

Sonny stood hunched over barely holding himself with his left hand placed on the tiled wall, the sight of his traumatized lover broke him inside. He felt that golf ball lump build up inside his throat, tears threatening to come out. Green eyes studied that tall lean figure in front of them, how the hot water penetrated his soft milk skin causing it to turn red. He needed to touch him, feel him. He needed to know that he was still here, even if he was broken. Rafael needed to feel him to prove that he wasn't dreaming. That Sonny did survive his close death experience.

He reached out with both arms , placing his small hands on each side of Sonny's waist. He winced when Sonny jumped out of his skin at his touch. Green eyes met red swollen blue eyes. 'Cariño' he whispered.

Emotions turned on him, tears fell hard once Sonny dropped to his knees clutching on to him like a lost child. Sonny, his Sonny was hurting in the most impossible imaging way. He tilted his head back, trying to get his emotions together. Trying to stop his own tears from falling, trying to gain his voice back. His right hand placed behind the head his lover bringing him closer, his cheeks pressed against his ear.

"Ay, cariño "

Sonny pushed through his hard cries to apologized for what had happen not too long ago but Rafael wasn't having it. 'No, no don't. You have nothing to be sorry about.' whispered before placing a kiss on Sonny's temple.

They confessed their love for one another, it was something that should have been done a long time ago. It was something that shouldn't have been done under such horrible circumstance but they both were unsure if the other felt the same. The only positive thing that came out what Sonny experienced was that it made both men realize that they both dreamed and wanted the same thing for their relationship, made them realize that nobody else in world could possibly make them feel like they did to one another. That their love was so real and so raw that no force would dare come between. Not even a psychotic former Sergent who felt that he needed some sort of praise and even shrine would tear their world apart. It made them stronger, and for that they thanked.

Rafael held Sonny as they laid on this small double twin size bed, the black bed sheet covers them to mid waist. Sonny head laid perfectly on his chest while he ran his fingers over and over through Sonny's hair, like a child it began to calm him down. His sobs quite down, his breathing went back to normal. Sonny slowly began fall asleep, his body giving out on him unable to keep his eyes open. Rafael tears fell silently as he continued to run his fingers through his lover locks, his other arm laid across Sonny's waist making sure their nude bodies were close to one another.

His leaned down to place a kiss on the top of Sonny's head. " Nunca te dejaré. Si dios es mi testigo, haré cualquier cosa en mi poder para protegerte. Eres mi vida. "

Another kiss placed on top of his lover's head. " Te amo."

Nunca te dejaré - I will never leave you.  
Si dios es mi testigo, haré cualquier cosa en mi poder para protegerte - If God is my witness, I will do anything in my power to protect you.  
Eres mi vida- You are my life.  
Te amo - I love you.


End file.
